I don’t believe anyone has the authority to call you your own worst enemy — and you should not do it either. Here’s why.
“Her own worst enemy” can sound concerned. It can even sound wise. But when it comes from someone close, someone who “knows it all” — a parent, a partner, the very person causing your turmoil — it isn’t wisdom. It’s malicious. It’s control.
Repeated enough, it’s remembered. Echoed by others. It’s not an innocent phrase. It becomes a new identity — one they may have been crafting for years. And if they are strategically the closest to you, if they hold authority, if they’ve woven the thread well, there is no reason for anyone else to question their story.
So the phrase sticks.
It shapes how others see you.
More devastatingly, it shapes how you see yourself.
It controlled the narrative of who I was. For years, I believed it. I didn’t just carry the label — I felt it. I lived in the shadow of its shame. I blamed myself. I hated myself.
But eventually I realised: no one is truly their own worst enemy. Not the child trying to survive a storm she didn’t cause. Not the woman navigating a lifetime of grief after. Not the person surviving what others refuse to see.
Psychologists call this cognitive dissonance — the discomfort people feel when new information clashes with what they already believe. In those moments, truth has little importance. People cling to the version that feels least disruptive to themselves.
It’s enabling. It’s invalidating. It teaches people to reject their own feelings. This phrase denies pain. It denies strength. It replaces resilience with dysfunction.
For just over a year now, I’ve been in control of how I see myself. Each day, I care a little less about the influence that shaped other people’s opinions. I remind myself I’m lucky: I see the truth.
I’ve also learnt there are a few who see through the pretence and manipulation. They sensed something was off. And because they see, they believe me. That recognition is saving me.
Yes, I was coerced. To many, I probably still sound like the scapegoat, the problem, the one to blame.
But I am proud of my resilience and determination. I am proud of my sensitivity and my growing emotional intelligence.
I am not my own worst enemy.
No one is.
Apart from… a narcissist.
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