I have a memory of sitting on my mums knee in her chair.
She told me I was her best friend
She looked at me and said it with “love” she said it like it was special and I was. I believed her.
I thought it meant I was loved more than other kids were
That I mattered to her more than anyone else.
I was at the age kids start using the label “best friend” all the time.
, “your my best friend” “am I yours”
Or say, “Who’s your best friend?”
It’s innocent.
But I was serious when I answered. The echo of the memory 30 years ago even feels scripted.
I said “my mums my best friend”
id been given that role so As far as that little girl was concerned she was just stating a fact/ telling the truth. No warmth no connection l.
What an odd thing for a child to say.
Only as an adult can I see the cost
I wasntn lucky. I was enrolled.
It wasn’t friendship. It was enmeshment.
It wasn’t a gift. I was being used.
I’m surprised I continued to be able to make friends and I’m surprised they stuck around when I did.